So it took me about a few months of not even knowing i was dieting and excercising for me to lose weight. One day I woke up and looked into the mirror and realized I could see my collar bone again! It was the happiest day of my life so far. Being with my ex, who was skinny and walked everywhere, made me lose even more weight, and therefore I finally reached my goal weight of 167. I was a bonified lolipop head at that size. But things happened, and though I maintained the weight after he and I were through, I was slowly gaining all the fat back. I went down to a size 11 juniors, 12 womens and was on the verge of reaching a size 10. I could fit it in some clothes, in others i was still a little bit off, but here I am, with this guy. And yes I do love him, I could never lie and say that I don't. But the fact that at the beginning of our relationship, we drove everywhere and we ate takeout everynight, sometimes multiple times per day, and I was barely walking anywhere. And I have become once again 200 + pounds. I dont know how much I weigh right now, and I really really want to know. And I heard her voice. She was calling to me, telling me that even if everyone else said I was ok, I am not. She told me that she's the only one that understands what I am going through, and how bad I dont want to be this size. And so here I am, sitting here with her. She's sitting beside me telling me that I don't need to tell anyone about her, that its our little secret, shes been my secret friend that I neglected for so long. And her sister is right behind her, telling me that even if I dont make ana happy, I can still please mia. And I've decided to go with it. To go with them. Because I don't care what my boyfriend says, he doesnt want me to get big, he doesnt even like the size I am now. I can tell by the way he pinches and grabs at me, which he never did a few months ago. He keeps telling me he wont touch me if he can feel my ribs, but why should i care? I mean if i were to listen to the bullshit hes spitting at me, and he decided to up and leave me, then where would I be? No other guy, as a matter of fact, no guy on this planet, except for those with something seriously wrong with them, want a chick thats fat. I dont want to be the fat chick. And even if i stay with him, forever, I still dont want to be his fat wife. I want to be his sexy ass wife that everyone wants to be with. And right now, I dont feel like I am. So girls, heres to you, I can only hope I dont let you down, like i've let myself. 

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